So, at the encouragement of some friends, I decided to jump into the online dating world. Most people's lives are conducted online a majority of the time these days, so why not try dating?
The good thing about online dating is that it shows you, sure enough, there a lot of fish in the sea. When you live in New York, there are more options than say in Oxford, Mississippi so I think my dating experiment was probably a smart idea to try here. Anyways, within my first week online I set up my first date. By the end of a few days, I had 3 first dates lined up within a week of each other. There are a couple of strategies used to set up dates.
- Strategy 1 - Quick banter back and forth and immediately set up a date because, really, how well can you get to know someone via e-mails back and forth? Pros: you get a date lined up quickly. Cons: perhaps the date is lined up a little too quickly with someone you probably wouldn't really be interested in. Alas, perhaps going out with someone I wouldn't normally be interested in is a good thing.
- Strategy 2 - Slowly get to know someone via e-mails, then texts, then a date. (By slowly I mean over the course of a few days, not months.) Pros: you have a good sense of the person you will meet before you meet them. Cons: the process can drag out and you lose interest or become more interested in a different process in the meantime.
Anyways, I tried both strategies and have had a variety of dates.
First Date #1 - HORRENDOUS! So when FD1 called to set up a date we talked on the phone for about 10 minutes, and I should have noticed the flags then but I decided to ignore them. You see, I have this problem that I'm trying to overcome: whenever someone shows romantic interest in me I immediately find something wrong with him. I should have listened to my instincts on this one. So, FD1 and I decide to meet on a street corner with the intent of going to a bar for drinks. Street corner: Spring and 6th. Bar: We didn't have a plan. I got to the corner first and sat in the square until he showed up. I should have known right away it was a mistake. He had on dad jeans and white sneakers (again, the dad kind). Trying not to be my judgmental self I overlooked it. Meanwhile, he reenacted how he jammed his finger during jiu-jitsu class. (By the way, in his jiu-jitsu class they learn how to really hurt people, but they get to a point and then stop knowing they could really hurt the other person but won't. Of course you're not really going to hurt someone in class. Duh. That would just be mean.)
We decided to go get a drink, and he leads us in the direction of a bar. When I say lead, I mean he was a good 2 feet ahead of me when we were walking. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to keep up with how quickly he walked. And, he doesn't share the sidewalk. Now I admit, I have weird issues when it comes to walking with people. I really don't like walking through crowds, and I really don't like feeling crowded when it's just me and one other person. FD1 would not move over enough to share the sidewalk so that I was walking around trees and trashcans. At one point I slowed down my pace as well to see what would happen. He slowed for a second and then continued.
We get to a bar (he's very particular about the kind of bar) sit down and have a drink. I lead the conversation with questions that are never returned. (Not good to have a one sided conversation on a date.) As I wait for him to perhaps ask me something, I take a sip of my drink. As a result, I finish my beer more quickly than he does. As I neared the bottom, the bartender asked me if I wanted another. I told him I was ok at the moment. Then, my date chugs the remainder of his beer (about half) and announces, "I'm waiting for you now." Oh, ok. Uh, sure. Let's get another drink. After we get our second beer, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns he says, "I can tell you're having a good time." Oh yeah, how can you tell that? "You just look happy. And you would have left after the first beer if you weren't."
I toss this date to it being my first "blind" date and being inexperienced in how to handle the blind date experience. I should have left after the first beer. Really, I probably shouldn't have set up the date at all, but then I wouldn't have a story. Over the course of the night I learn he does everything with his parents. EVERYTHING. He's 30, has no friends because he "values quality over quantity." Buddy, we all value quality over quantity. Additionally, he lives at home. Why? Because he would miss his mom's cooking if he left.
Like I said, HORRENDOUS.
First Date #2 - First Date #2 was pretty good. We e-mailed back and forth a bit before heading into texting. We decided to meet at a wine bar on the Upper West Side. Sadly, when we got to the bar, it was closed for a private party. Instead we went to a bar around the corner and had a beer. Overall, the date went really well. We had a good conversation. Never any dead moments. He'd just gotten back from vacation in SC. (His family rented a house in Folly.) The date wasn't anything big to write home about, but enjoyable. Definitely a better first date than FD1.
First Date #3 - FD3 was a really good date. I had a lot of fun. Coincidentally, the first text (after e-mails) I got from FD3 was 30 minutes before I met up with FD2. He asked if I played pool. I do happen to play pool. I just play pool like someone who does it every few months are really doesn't know how to play. We decided to make a pool date for the following Saturday. FD3 actually knows how to play pool. In fact, he could watch how I was lining up a shot and tell me just how to position the pool stick to make the shot. Needless to say, I was impressed. FD3 was also the only one I kissed. (Ok, he may have gotten a few kisses. Like I said, it was a good date.) He's also the only one I've seen a second time.
At the moment I do not have any more first dates lined up. This might be a bad strategy, but I'm not good at dating multiple people at once. I'm curious to see what happens with FD3. While I may be shooting myself in the foot with this strategy, if FD3 turns out to not be for me I know there are other fish in the sea. And if the fish who are biting now aren't still there if things don't work out with FD3, then they aren't for me.
We shall see what happens. (By the way, a very interesting fact: all 3 dates have the same first initial, and FD1 and FD2 have the same name. Kind of weird, right?)
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