You Gotta Have Faith

You Gotta Have Faith" - at least that's what New Orleans Saints fans say. The problem is, I'm not sure I have any, and I'm not talking about faith in the Saints. I would venture to say most people question their faith and belief in God at some point in their lives. Even if it's to ultimately decide that they don't believe in God. And you know what? That's fine. You have to find what works for you. I have a different sort of connundrum.

I am what some call a cradle Episcopalian, baptized at the ripe old age of "not even able to walk yet." Growing up, I went to church every Sunday with my family, attended Sunday school, sang in the choir, acolyted, joined youth group, and even did the Wednesday night church service thing, not to mention went to an Episcopal school with chapel once a week. Looking back, I was very involved with church, however, I never had a strong faith in God. In fact, I'm not sure I even believed the words I learned and said at the services. I simply went through the motions. My guess is that a lot of people go through the motions at church, but here's the difference - My dad's going to be a priest.

During my freshman year of college, my dad told me he was thing about it. I knew he was unhappy at work, but I thought a change in career would be software sales to business consulting or even teaching. Becoming a priest was not in my realm of thought. Before Thanksgiving my senior year in college, my dad left his job where he made more money than I will ever make. (I'm not dissing my abilities, I'm just not going into a money maiking field - I'm southern studies, remember?) When I started working, my dad started school. In May 2007, he graduated with a Master of Divinity from General Theological Seminary in New York. A week later, he was ordained a deacon (think priest intern). After he works at a church for six months to a year, he will be ordained a priest.

That's all fine and dandy for my dad, and I really am happy and excited for him, but it leaves me in a weird spot. All of a sudden, more eyes are on me. During the ordination, my dad was charged with being an "example" and making his family an "example" too. I realize that being an adult changes things for me than if I was younger, but it's still different now. And uh, hate to break to to everyone but I'm not a very good example. I'm not even very sure of the status of my faith and beliefs. I believe there is a GOd, but I'm not sure of much beyond that. I know what I'm supposed to believe but that just makes things harder. Basically, I'm just very confused, and I don't know.