Underwhat?

Underwear - we all wear it. Well, most of us do. Even the lack of it is a choice. There's all different kinds - men's, women's, granny panties, tighty whities, thongs, and boxers. In 1992, a teenager even asked then presidential hopeful Bill Clinton if he preferred boxers or briefs. (He said he usually wears briefs.) A few years ago, Michael Jordan made boxer briefs a household item after his Hanes ad campaign. Britney Spears' lack of underwear made headlines a few months ago and her bare, er, bottom, spread across the internet.

While there are many, many choices of undergarment out there these days, many people are still guilty of walking around with a visible panty line. According to wikipedia, the first pop culture reference to the visible panty line (VPL) was in Woody Allen's film "Annie Hall." (And apparently the problem is very prominent in Asia.) People, that movie was made 30 years ago. It's time to get with the program and address the problem. You've got options.

While mostly a problem for women, it does affect some men too. To these men I say, go buy yourself a pair of boxers or boxer briefs.

For women, I suggest one of the following tactics:

First, opt to go sans underwear. Granted, if you're still guilty of walking around with a panty line, you're probably not going to opt to stop wearing underwear all together. I'm not saying it's the best solution, after all you might get caught like Britney, but it is the cheapest.

Second, those that find themselves guilty of sharing their panty line with the rest of us can also opt for boy shorts. There's more coverage, some guys think they're cute, and you're less likely to have a rigid line under paints or a skirt.

Finally, the thong. You know that article of clothing that Sisqo sang about back in the day. (I'm not advocating showing, by the way.) Thongs are the oldest form of underwear - just ask the primitive peoples of yore. They're the fastest selling form of women's underwear in the United States. Some people complain that they're uncomfortable - get over yourself. You must be trying on the most god awful underwear if you think that. Sure if it's the wrong size you're gonna be picking material out of your butt all day, but if you're old enough to know what a thong is you should be old enough to pick out the right size. There are even companies such as Hanky Panky that claim to have the most comfortable thongs ever made and have the celebrity clientèle to back them up.

So the next time you see a friend that looks as if she (or he) is going to cut off her butt circulation because of her underwear, let her know there is a solution. Throw out the bad underwear!

I turn to Chris Rose

Because I can't write it as eloquently or as well as he can, I turn to Chris Rose to give a sense of how I've been feeling lately. All of his columns can be found here on nola.com. When you have some free time, I really suggest reading some of the columns he wrote in the days and months immediately following Hurricane Katrina. You can still read them at nola.com, but they've even been compiled in a book called 1 Dead in Attic. Just make sure you have some tissues handy. By the way, I read this article on Friday and saw We are Marshall Saturday afternoon before the I watched the Saints game. That may or may not have something to do with why I cried all throughout the movie, and defiitely has some reason behind my excitement leading up to the game Saturday night. Anyways, I give you Chris Rose and really do urge you to go read his columns. And someone please buy me 1 Dead in Attic because I don't know if I can bring myself to actually buy it.

"Rage and Sympath in the city of Brotherly Love" (01/12/2007 about the Saints v. Eagles playoff game)

That said, the Katrina factor is definitely a part of the vibe of discussion in the buildup to the contest. In a story that stretched across the top of the front page of The Philadelphia Inquirer on Wednesday, sports columnist Phil Sheridan wrote:

"The happy, sappy tale of feisty Jeff Garcia leading the Eagles to the playoffs can't compete with the epic, back-from-catastrophe story of the New Orleans Saints. . . . The happy, sappy tale of the feisty Saints giving their devastated city something to believe in is irresistible for the national media. This is worth saying because the Eagles, through no fault of their own, find themselves in the role of villain in this fairy tale." . . .

I don't know who's got the better team. I don't even know who's got the better fans or better city; all in all (if you don't count the sports-talk callers) Philly was pretty nice, especially if you like cheese steaks, and I do.

But I do know that our storyline is better; there's never been a sports story quite like it.

And I pray to God there never is one again, anywhere.

Sleeping

Yesterday I wrote an entire blog about my parents and then myspace ate it! Grrrr . . . . Seeing as how there is no way I will be able to remember it or write it as well as yesterday, I'm throwing out that topic and moving on to this one: sleeping.

I'm not talking about just any kind of sleeping. For this blog, I mean a guy and a girl. Hanky panky does not apply to this topic - just sleeping. Ok, now that I've made that clear, here's my issue, my question, my conundrum - whatever you want to call it . . .

Do all guys take a class on how to sleep with a girl? Really, it's a question. Well, maybe not the taking a class part, but how is it that all guys sleep in the same position when there's a girl asleep next to them. If you think I'm crazy, I'll explain.

Somehow guys have the ability to lay on their backs with one arm stretched out basically to hold a girl's head (whether it be in the nook of his shoulder or further out, I don't really care). I learned from a friend that this position was designed so that girls can sleep and guys can still flip through the channels on the tv. I'm assuming it evolved from caveman needing to hold a club during the night to protect his loved ones.

Here's the thing - this position is not comfortable for us girls. A guy's arm does not compare to our favorite pillow. Not only that, but we worry that our heads are too heavy on your arm too - not in the "I'm feeling fat" way we worry, but in the "Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds" way.

Now I realize that everyone sleeps differently and that every couple sleeps differently together, but I really want to learn how all guys know how to sleep this way. While it may seem there's not much of a difference, and I know that my sleeping habits are odd compared to most, I want my arm under my head. Not only that, but I sleep with a stuffed dog every night held tight under my arm (don't judge me). Where does that leave me if there may be someone else there? Very fidgety.

Anyways - At least I have one reason as to why guys sleep that way: to still have the use of one hand for whatever he may want. Oh, and I also learned the reason guys wear hats: to check out cleavage without being noticed. Note to guys: we know we have cleavage and we know you're checking it out with or without a hat - just make eye contact every once in a while.

And then it was 2007

I haven't written a blog in a while, and I feel like it's time. Let me start by saying, I'm not entirely sure where this one is going so get ready for some rambling.

I finished my first semester of grad school in December. I wish I could say that I am older and wiser for taking two years off after I graduated from college and that I improved my study habits, but that would just be a lie. I procrastinate just as much now as I ever did. Fortunately I have not had five papers due in six days nor have I started any the night before they were due, but I did write seventy pages in one week. (I did write reading responses two hours before they were due, but those don't count.) Anyways - enough about 2006.

I went to Taylor Grocery and Graceland Too on Friday night. It was definitely an experience. Taylor Grocery is a litte hole in the wall place even further in the middle of nowhere than my current residence. Not only that, but it's in a dry county. Silly Mississippi. Don't you people know by now that having a dry county will not stop your residents from drinking. It won't even stop people from drinking in the county. Craziness. Anyways, I had catfish for the first time in my life. That might not be entirely true, but it's the first time I remember it. It was good and the company was even better. I still prefer sushi (over fried catfish, not my friends). After dinner, we headed to Holly Springs - still the middle of nowhere but closer to Memphis - to go to Graceland Too. I am one third of the way to becoming a life time member at Graceland Too. There are not words to describe Paul's (the owner) fanaticism. Let's just say he's a little crazy. He had a business proposition for Adam to make me or Becca marry his son and then get half of all his money. Yup folks, I may become a Mississippi bride afterall. The night ended at City Grocery back in the middle of nowhere followed by Chicken-on-a-Stick. I'd just like to point out that I have taken two people's Chicken-on-a-Stick virginity in the last week. That's right, both Becca and Adam have lived in the middle of nowhere for six months and neither had Chicken-on-a-Stick til last week.

Plans for 2007 - I've got two weddings planned thus far. Both brides have the same name just spelled differently. I do get to be a bridesmaid in one, and I'm just gonna tell you right now that I make one hot bridesmaid. I've seen the dress I get to wear, and I'll be irresistable. That being said, I've still started a wedding workout. I've treadmilled (yes, I did just make that word a verb) twice in the last three days. Go me. Pilates will start back up when I have money. 2007 will the year I go from hot to hottt. That's right, hottt. I've also realized that since moving to the middle of nowhere I have become very sedentary. Not only does this habit make me really bored, but it also is very unhealthy. I know it's cliche to say that I'm going to get healthy and lose weight so close to the new year, but this is more of a lifestyle change than a new year's resolution. You can give up a resolution, but you can't give up a lifestyle.

I'm also going to start reading the books I'm supposed to for class. That may seem like a given considering I'm in grad school, but procrastination often gets the best of me. The worst part is that it's procrastination doing nothing.

Hmm - enough rambling for now.