Lent

Yesterday was Mardi Gras - woohoo! (It's the first time I haven't been to a Mardi Gras parade in seven years, but that's another blog.) For those heathens out there that read my blog on occasion, let me give you a little insight. Mardi Gras, a.k.a. Shrove Tuesday, is an important day in the Christian church. To make a long story short, it's the day that all Christians are supposed to get the fat out of their houses, hence Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday). The reason we get all the fat out of our homes and party it up like fools during Carnival and parades is because the day after Mardi Gras is Ash Wednesday. Without getting too churchy, just know that Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent (the 40 days and nights before Easter EXCLUDING Sundays). Yada, yada yada. Ok so, during Lent it is common practice to give something up that is a part of your regular life or to take something on that's not usually part of your regular life. While there is some dispute, I am of the group who say that you can give up your Lenten discipline on Sundays - it saves me.

In past years, I've given up meat. One year it was diet coke, which was extremely difficult as I am addicted to diet coke - thank God for Sundays. When I was younger, my parents attempted to make me and my sister give up television - that did not work, because they didn't want to give it up either. Anyways, now we're onto 2007. So for Lent this year, this kid is giving up alcohol. That's right, alcohol. No liquor, beer, malt beverages, or what-have-you, until Easter (except for Sundays and since I'm living with Blue laws again that'll be difficult to find).

So support this kid, i.e. me, on her endeavor. I'll need it.

Peanut Butter

Grrr . . . I had to throw out my peanut butter because mine was one of the jars recalled. Not that I eat lots of peanut butter, but now I really really want to. Kind of like when I couldn't eat spinach because of e. coli.

Man, I really want a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Mmm, peanut butter and banana too.

I'm switching to Jiff just to be safe.

Cell Phone Etiquette

Some of you may not remember this, but in the not so distant past there was no such thing as a cellular telephone. Amazing, I know, but true. Less than twenty years ago, cell phones as we know them today did not even exist. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, phones permanently installed in cars began cropping up. These new fangled gadgets, however, were few and far between and mostly used by the rich business class. As the technology advanced, car phones were replaced by cell phones and the price dropped dramatically. Today, it is hard to find someone without a cell phone. It is not "cool" to have a cell phone. One's cell phone status is now seen in the phone he or she owns and features employed, not simply the owning and using a cell phone. But I digress.

With the privilege of using a cell phone (note I did call it a privilege) comes the required use of cell phone etiquette. Most of it is common sense, but that does not mean that the majority of people actually follow it. Here are a few rules that you should learn to live by.

1. Cell phones are not clunky pieces of equipment anymore. Most are highly sophisticated miniature computers. That being said, you don't need to yell in them to have a conversation. You don't even need to talk loudly unless standing by a heard of elephants. I am sure your partner doesn't want me to know the intimate details of your sex life nor do you want me to know the test results from your latest doctor's visit, so please don't advertise them to me. I will judge you and tell all of your friends and mine.

2. While with a group of people, be they friends or foes, it is inappropriate to hold a conversation with another person via talking or texting. For example, when out to dinner with friends, do not text other friends. It shows that a) I waisted my time trying to be social with you, b) you obviously do not want to spend time with me, and c) you are rude. If you there is an emergency and you must answer your phone, please excuse yourself and return promptly or leave. If you do have a conversation with another while with me, I will call you out on it.

3. At public performances, cell phones are not to be used. Public performances include but are not limited to movies, concerts, theatrical performances, and even beauty pageants. Turn it off or to silent and leave it. If you stay away from someone for two or three hours, do not come and ruin my experience. It is inexcusable for one to answer a phone during a performance - do not do it or I will beat you. Texting even when your phone is silent is not allowed either. Most performances occur with the audience sitting in the dark. You will blind me as well as distract me if you open your phone to look at a text or send one. Even if you are an owl who can see in the dark and your cell phone doesn't light up some how, I will still hear the clicking of you punching buttons. If you sit near me, I will politely tell you to stop. If you do not stop, I will tell the usher or management. Do not ruin my experience, even if that experience is watching pageant girls with big hair strut across a stage.

4. Cell phone use is not allowed in the classroom. If I am running the class, I will take it away from you and give you a 0 for the day. If I am sitting next to you I will glare at you and loudly ask you to stop so that the instructor will hear. This also includes yoga and pilates classes where you are supposed to be calm. If your phone does ring, attend to it immediately.

5. Do not text while driving, and please limit your talking while driving. On a relatively recent episode of Mythbusters, they discovered that talking on a cell phone while driving is equivalent to driving while drunk. If you don't watch Mythbusters, you should.

6. Be wary of obnoxious ringtones. I am probably guilty of this with my ring, but I still am aware that I should answer it quickly and do not keep the ringer on in inappropriate situations except by accident (like when my sister called during orientation and the specific ring for her was "Girls Just Want to Have Fun").

I am sure there are millions of other tips, suggestions, and rules, but since I do not have the time nor the desire to discuss all things in my blog the aforementioned tips will suffice. Really, they're just common sense and manners like removing one's hat when in a building. Please be sure to follow them when around me or prepare for my wrath.