And I

And I know I will never be the same. And though it is not their fault, most people will never understand. And even I will never comprehend fully. And then I realize how it changed me.

I will always overpack, because the one time I didn't was the one time I needed to.
I will talk about things differently than others do.
I will split my life into before and after.
I will not remember about four months of time.
I will be one of those people that others talk about and say "why does she keep going back to that."

And I'll know why. And I'll hope that it doesn't hold me back.

Retardedness

Let's just start by saying, I know I'm retarded. Most of you reading this know I'm retarded too. That aside, here are the most retarded things I've done thus far this week.

Sunday - I quoted Jefferson Airplane in a blog. That was definitely a lapse in judgement. I am retarded.

Monday - I burned my finger on a baked potato really badly. So badly, there is now a blister forming. And yes, I did say burned my finger on a BAKED POTATO. I am retarded.

Tuesday - I clicked on a virus in an im message while my virus scan was conveniently off. I am retarded.

Just wanted you too feel better about yourself today.

A little wiser

Woohoo for being 23 - my birthday was on Friday, and it was a great day. It started with the opportunity to sleep in, since I had the day off from work. I went to Cafe Adelaide for lunch with Heather, Ardyn, Takeshi, Celeste, and Jon who happened to be in town for the weekend. The food was delicious, and I of course ate way too much. (I think it's ok on your birthday though.) Besides the food being awesome, we had quarter martinis. You gotta love not paying more than 75 cents for 3 drinks. After lunch, Heather, Jon, and I went to the fly with Jon's friend who happened to be in town. FYI - don't go to the fly after drinking at lunch without any water. We didn't last very long, because Heather and I got way too hot and thirsty. Next stop, Jon's house. The pool was green, so there was no swimming, but it was still nice to just sit out. We cooked out for dinner, and I fell asleep by 11. Most people think it sucks that I was too tired to go out, but I couldn't have asked for a better day. It was lots of fun.

Ok, so now I'm a year older and supposedly a little wiser. Apparently wisdom comes with age. Anyways, it's hard to believe that this time last year I had no clue what was about to come. Let's see, this time last year, I had just officially gotten my job even though I'd been working it since August. I worked my ass off for camp. McCann moved away; Nikki moved away. The hurricane hit - blah, blah, blah. Spent some months in Columbia. Spent some months in a very damaged city. And now I'm here, still in a damaged city, but at least it's getting better. I'd like to think I've changed some, grown some. It was definitely a year like no other.

Hopes for the next year:
work hard in school and not be the same slacker I was in college. I will start all papers at least a week in advance instead of the night before. That'll last exactly one paper, but I can still hope.

make new friends, but keep the old - yeah, all you girl scouts should know that one. I'm excited about the new people out there.

fall in love - I know it's cheesy and girly, but that's what I want. I've done the random hookup, and now I need something new. It's more of a selfish thing really. I need someone to love; I need to be vulnerable; I need I don't know what. I'm not making a plea to anyone here by saying this stuff. I'm just saying it. "Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love." I'm jealous of my friends, and I don't like that.

not be poor - I'm not saying be rich, just not be poor. I think I'm headed in the wrong direction by going to school full time but, I can dream - it's my blog.

discover more of who i am.

overcome stuff i haven't dealt with.

ok - this could go on forever. maybe these should be life goals, but it would be nice for them to start in the next year. And with that, I'm done.