You Gotta Have Faith

You Gotta Have Faith" - at least that's what New Orleans Saints fans say. The problem is, I'm not sure I have any, and I'm not talking about faith in the Saints. I would venture to say most people question their faith and belief in God at some point in their lives. Even if it's to ultimately decide that they don't believe in God. And you know what? That's fine. You have to find what works for you. I have a different sort of connundrum.

I am what some call a cradle Episcopalian, baptized at the ripe old age of "not even able to walk yet." Growing up, I went to church every Sunday with my family, attended Sunday school, sang in the choir, acolyted, joined youth group, and even did the Wednesday night church service thing, not to mention went to an Episcopal school with chapel once a week. Looking back, I was very involved with church, however, I never had a strong faith in God. In fact, I'm not sure I even believed the words I learned and said at the services. I simply went through the motions. My guess is that a lot of people go through the motions at church, but here's the difference - My dad's going to be a priest.

During my freshman year of college, my dad told me he was thing about it. I knew he was unhappy at work, but I thought a change in career would be software sales to business consulting or even teaching. Becoming a priest was not in my realm of thought. Before Thanksgiving my senior year in college, my dad left his job where he made more money than I will ever make. (I'm not dissing my abilities, I'm just not going into a money maiking field - I'm southern studies, remember?) When I started working, my dad started school. In May 2007, he graduated with a Master of Divinity from General Theological Seminary in New York. A week later, he was ordained a deacon (think priest intern). After he works at a church for six months to a year, he will be ordained a priest.

That's all fine and dandy for my dad, and I really am happy and excited for him, but it leaves me in a weird spot. All of a sudden, more eyes are on me. During the ordination, my dad was charged with being an "example" and making his family an "example" too. I realize that being an adult changes things for me than if I was younger, but it's still different now. And uh, hate to break to to everyone but I'm not a very good example. I'm not even very sure of the status of my faith and beliefs. I believe there is a GOd, but I'm not sure of much beyond that. I know what I'm supposed to believe but that just makes things harder. Basically, I'm just very confused, and I don't know.

Discombobulated Thoughts

Be forewarned: there's a religion blog coming soon. Don't worry. It's not this one, but it's coming. My thoughts just aren't in order yet.

After flying around for a few weeks, I finally landed in New Orleans where I will be working for the next two months. The internship I wanted for the summer fell through (bleh). I suppose it's not the end of the world, but I'm definitely going with my gut when it comes to ominous feelings at least for the next little bit. I'm three for three in 2007 - maybe even four.

Anyways, I suppose not having an internship works better financially because now I will be working five days a week instead of four. (Yay for money!) I'm back at Reily for the summer (I know, I know - don't say it). Notice I said Reily, not Ripples. Even though I was explicitly told I would only do camp while I am here, and even though my coworkers were told I would only do camp while I am here, I think we all knew that wouldn't be the case. (Like I said, I just need to follow my instincts.) It took 2 1/2 days, which is more than I though it would, before my first Reily, i.e. non-camp, assignment came across my desk. Whatever. I knew it would happen. It only took ten minutes anyway. The assignment itself, however, was the interesting part. Well, insightful part.

So it's hurricane season - duh. My boss wanted me to incorporate part of our departmental Hurricane Plan into the Student Affairs spreadsheet - you don't care about this part, I know. Just bear with me for a second. The departmental plan outlines who is supposed to a) check-in students boarding buses for evacuation, b) prepare Reily for the impending storm - put stuff inside, take down windscreens, etc., and c) return first after the storm passes to get everything back to normal. Most full time staff members are either B or C with some doing A and B. Guess whose name is on the top of the list. Yup, that's right. Mine! What the Hell?! I'm just supposed to do camp this summer. My hurricane plan was to run like the wind, not check in students and prep Reily (yeah, I got A and B). I'm not working full time anymore either. Sure, I'm working a full time work week, but I'm still a part time employee. Bleh.

In other news of Thursday (it was a long day - I was there 12 hours) . . . I saw an old friend that will be working Ripples again this summer. When I say old friend with regard to this person, I mean old as in used to be but no longer my friend. Long story short, we were good friends, very good friends a few years ago. There was a disagreement, and then I was not talked to again. Not even looked at. Completely ignored for 2 1/2 months. Finally we talked, but we never recovered. My senior year in college I asked, "Will you still be my friend when I'm poor and working at Reily?" The original answer of yes eventually defaulted to no. It doesn't hurt anymore, but it did. Now we only talk when we see each other during camp about camp. It's sad. FYI - the easiest way to hurt me is to not talk to me. I don't mean fall out of touch, because that happens. I mean not talk.

Anyways, I'm staying with Ardyn this summer, so that will be fun. A few friends are coming to town later in June - one who used to live here and others who I get to tour around. I'm excited. I'm forming a list of where I should take them. Suggestions are welcome.

Good job if you stuck around to the end. I just need to get some discombobulated thoughts out of my head.