Dear Ms. Gap Checkout Lady

So I'm headed out of town for the weekend with skillet. I have absolutely no idea where we're going, but I do know it'll be warm. Like any other sane woman, I have no idea what to pack. Not knowing where I'm going only compounds the issue. I'm pretty much 100% sure a beach will be involved which means swimsuits. Uh, yeah, I definitely went out and bought a new one before the trip was even booked. I am the girl that travels with a swimsuit no matter what time of year or where I'm going. Antartica? Yup, I'll have a swimsuit.

When I'm not lying on the beach, I'll need some kind of cover-up which took me to the Gap after Jazzercise today. (You read that right; I go to Jazzercise classes.) Not that I can wear any of Gap's swimwear, but I thought I'd see if they have any cover-ups. My biggest problem/issue/hangup/body issue when walking around in a swimsuit is my thighs. Some people can't stand their stomachs; some don't like their arms; these people are fine throwing on a t-shirt. I don't like my legs and will usually throw on shorts, a skirt, a dress, etc. What did I find at the Gap? The most comfy pair of lounge pants ever. Sure they're not designed for the beach, but when did I care about that?

I headed upstairs with my prized new pants in hand to the checkout line in the men's section. Why? There were 7 women in line in the women's section and 1 man in line upstairs. Even I can do that math. I hand the pants to the woman behind the register. "Hi - I don't need a bag for this." (It's easier to tell this to the checkout person up front.)

"Oh, that's good. This is a dress, right?"

"No, they're pants."

"Oh. How's the baby?" Say that one more time please Ms. Gap Checkout Lady? Did you just ask me how the baby was?

"No, they're just comfy lounge pants."

"I'm sorry; I thought they were maternity pants."

"No, they're just comfortable!"

Ms. Gap Checkout Lady, you work at the Gap. Do your job and learn your inventory! And, as a woman, don't ask someone how the baby is when there is no definite sign she's pregnant. You better believe that if Ms. Gap Checkout Lady was a Mr. Gap Checkout Guy he never ever would have asked me how the baby was. I don't have a baby. I don't want a baby in the immediate future. No babies! Don't scare me like that, Ms. Gap Checkout Lady. It's not nice.