Dear Josh

Remember FD1?

Remember when he winked at me a month or so ago?

Remember when he winked at me again on Sunday? Remember when I sent him the following e-mail?*

Dear Josh,


Thanks for winking at me. It's good to know you think I'm attractive and still (yes, still) think we might be good together. Unfortunately, we're not a good match. How do I know? Because we went out once before and then you asked me out again and I politely declined saying we're not a good match. Why aren't we a good match? Unfortunately, I don't like baseball and I know you have season tickets for the Yankees. Also, I'm not going to hang out with you at your place a.k.a. your parents' place. As much fun as I'd probably have with your parents (parents like me), I don't want to go with the three of y'all to your country house this summer.


I am glad you're "getting out there" and meeting people, but honestly, you're making my self-esteem plummet. Please stop.


Best of luck,
Sarah


*I may not have sent the e-mail above, but I am this close.

PowerPoint Makes Us Stupid

In honor of not moving forward in an application process solely based on a 3 slide PowerPoint, I give you "PowerPoint makes us stupid."

Don't be such a pill

Fifty years ago next week, the FDA approved the birth control pill as first oral contraceptive. Like all matters regarding sex, the pill's approval was not met without controversy. Some doctors claimed that the birth control pill would be the end to the world's poverty problem, to divorce, to unwed pregnancy. Others feared it would make men impotent because, if on the pill, women would become the more dominant sexual partner which, duh, would make men feel inferior.

Obviously, the pill has stuck around. While most women go on "it" to prevent unwanted pregnancy, there are other benefits such as clearing up acne and regulating cycles. Getting a prescription for birth control pills is almost like a rite of passage. Every woman has her own reasons for doing so, but fortunately, taking birth control correctly usually produces the same end result: no babies.

That's where birth control pills end. Yes, there are no babies (usually). There's clearer skin. There's the fact that you're period comes like clockwork (unless you're me and you have a period for a month and you're not having sex - super fun). But, there's still diseases. For some reason a lot of people (who don't want to get pregnant) think that getting pregnant is the worst thing that can happen if you have sex, but it's not. Don't get me wrong. Pregnancy is life altering even if you're not on 16 and Pregnant. Birth control pills can prevent pregnancy when used correctly, but they cannot prevent STDs. End of story.

I am glad that women have the choice to use birth control pills as a type of contraceptive, but I hope that most are smart enough to only use them in monogamous relationships.

Running Across the Grass

As far as parks go, it's hard to beat Central Park. I'm sure you can, but there's something about a massive (843 acres) park surrounded by skyscrapers that makes it magical. There's a zoo, two ice-skating rinks, and a castle. Come on - how do you beat a park with a zoo and a castle?

Amazingly, this post is not about Central Park but rather Bryant Park. Bryant Park sits steps away from Times Square and is home to the New York Public Library. Not surprisingly, Bryant Park used to be a bit shady (not in the tree-lined sense of the word) and was the frequent site of muggings and drug deals. (It says so on the park's website. I'm not just exaggerating.) Now, Bryant Park hosts Fashion Week twice a year. It's also the permanent home to public ping pong tables, chess tables, restaurants and bars, and a carousel. During the winter there is a skating rink on the lawn surrounded by a holiday market. In the summer time, they hold free outdoor movies on the lawn.

Normally, the lawn opens in the late spring for the local business person to enjoy during lunch. Because of all the rain we had over the winter, the lawn is currently roped off. There's a sign that says it will open on April 30 - only a few more days! Amazingly, people don't cross the rope and walk through the grass. I was incredibly tempted to run across the park the other day, but resisted. I envisioned being tackled by Bryant Park security guards like those crazy people at baseball games that jump into the outfield and run across the grass before they're tackled and arrested. I don't think I would have been arrested for running across the park lawn, but I didn't think it was a good theory to test.

On Friday, I worked from Bryant Park for the afternoon. (Did I mention free wireless?) A coworker and I got there right around lunch time and it was packed. Luckily, we found two seats next to a couple finishing up lunch at one of the few tables in the park and slipped into their seats once the left. They offered to let us sit with them, but I didn't want to crowd them. (Who says New Yorkers aren't nice?) As the day progressed, the business people left and more tourists and families arrived. I looked up and there was a couple next to me waving to someone behind me. I turned to see who it was because I'm nosy like that and saw a little girl, perhaps 2-years old, wandering on the lawn. Her parents were beckoning her towards them, but all she saw was freedom in the grass. She ran her waddle-y run further into the middle of the lawn. Not wanting to cross the barrier onto the grass, her parents followed along the edge of the lawn. Unfortunately, hundreds of people sat along the perimeter of the lawn, myself included, and so they had to walk behind a few rows of people sitting. The little girl went deeper and deeper into the lawn and thus further and further from her parents. Everyone sitting along the perimeter began to watch as she ran uninhibited through the grass, jealous that she was free from judgment for running through the yard. As the little girl approached the far end of the lawn she realized her parents were "lost" in the crowd and she turned around to run back. Sensing that this was not the course she should take she turned back again. Then she started to cry. Her parents called her name and waved to her frantically. She saw them finally, started waving back, and ran towards them.

Inhibitions are one of those weird, learned behaviors that are introduced at a young age. The little girl never cared that people were watching her run across the grass. It was only when she couldn't find her parents that she noticed something was strange. Still, she didn't care about the people watching her. Although I don't know for sure, I would put money down that the little girl would be much more cognizant of all the watchful eyes in a few short years. Certainly, some are less concerned with what their peers think than others, but most people have some level of inhibition.

I wish I was a brave as the little girl running through Bryant Park.

Project Plans - Part 2

Interview for job 1 - nice.

Project plan for job 2 - 3 slide powerpoint.

Job 1 already has a pool for the specific location I applied for, but good thing we have the same job for alternate locations. NYC for the year; somewhere else for 7 weeks in the summer. It'll be like summer camp, right?

Project Plans

I've applied for two jobs . . . I'm on my way.

Ready, set, project plan.

No really.

Plan a conference for 50 people in Houston by Friday at 9:00 a.m.

Perhaps one of the most random posts ever

Ugh. I did something super stupid last week. Really, really stupid. Hopefully, forgivably stupid, but stupid all the same.

You know those conversations that you shouldn't have with people? I'm talking about the kind of conversation where you know what the answer is before you ask the question, not just where you think you know the answer. The kind of conversation that you wouldn't normally have, but after a few drinks and very little food you decide should be had anyway. The kind of conversation where the other person tries to change the subject but indulges you anyway at least for a little while - longer, perhaps, than he should have and definitely longer than he wanted. The kind of conversation where you wake up the next morning not sure of the damage you may have done and a week later you're still unsure.

Know the kind of conversation I'm talking about? Yeah, I did that. I turned what would have been a really good night with a friend into something awesomely bad. Ugh. 

I'm one of those people who really does learn from all the experiences in my life, but I kind of wish I could edit that one mostly because I don't like the feeling of uncertainty. Fingers crossed I didn't completely cross the line and kill a friendship. Why do I care that we still remain  friends? Because I do. That's who I am. I move forward, and I try to bring it all with me. (It's super fun being me sometimes.)

I supposed time will tell. Bah.

Men in Tights

I went to Boston for the weekend not too long ago. It was the same weekend as Anime Boston which, according to the events website, boasted over 17,000 attendees. It's "New England's largest celebration of of Japanese animation, comics and pop culture." Events included an auction, panels, karaoke, and game shows, as well as a costume contest and starlight ball. I can appreciate the artistry of the comics. I can even understand thousands of people coming together to celebrate something. I draw the line when grown men dress as an animated character. Yup, that's right kids, grown men dressed up as animated characters. While waiting for the bus back to New York I stood next to a man dressed in all black, leather, a sword, and a funny hat (pointed, made of straw). That I don't get. Why would you spend your weekend dressed up in such a silly way? I just don't get it.

Instead of attending the anime convention, I spent the weekend with a good friend enjoying the historic sights (and sites) and seafood. Who doesn't love history and seafood?

This nice fellow let me have my picture taken with him. He's dressed as a colonist (a.k.a. Revolutionary War soldier) at the Battle of Concord.








Oh the hypocrisy. Love it.

Quick Snapshot in Time

Train ride to Pleasantville, NY.

Birthday celebration (not mine) at Milon.

Central Park Dance Skaters

Central Park Dance Skaters

Barnum and Bailey elephants stroll down 34th street in the rain.

The elephants can't go up the escalator at Penn Station,
so they have to walk to Madison Square garden.

Pickling - you know you're jealous.

Judge Me If You Will

So I know I'm a bit judgmental at times. Ok, maybe I'm a lot judgmental. But, there's a guy I'm friends with on facebook that I knew in elementary school and then we worked at The Limited together one summer and now he's married and obsessed with paintball. He has an entire photo album of his paintball gear. (Correction: he has multiple albums of his paintball gear.)

And if your name is xxleyecandy, I really don't want to talk to you. I don't care if you think we could be good together. I can't get over the fact that your name is xxleyecandy. Perhaps I'm a little worried that you think I'm xxleyecandy. But even still, just go.

And I really want to rant about some stuff from work right now, not work itself, more like stuff I'm fortunate enough to encounter in my day-to-day, but it would be a bit unprofessional. And, seeing as how anyone could stumble across this blog, I'm gonna just avoid that. Those stories are perhaps best for vocalizing instead of writing, but boy did I come across some winners recently. I do just want to say . . . nope, can't even do it.

FML

Remember FD1? I woke up to an e-mail telling me he "winked" at me the other day. Ugh.

Matching 102

It's Friday night and I'm sitting at home watching episodes of What Not to Wear. I've decided it's time. Time to get back out there. Time to jump back into the dating world. I resubscribed to Match.

I'm still not sure what I think about trying Match again. I know my experience will be different than it was last time, and I'm kind of excited about that. If nothing else, I know I'll get some good stories out it. I hope to find more than just stories, but I'm keeping my expectations at a lower level for the moment.

The boy and I broke up a month ago. I know myself well enough to know that I won't completely let go until I find someone or something else (take your mind out of the gutter) to occupy my time. Even still, I don't usually let people go completely. We'll see how that goes.

Yesterday, I decided to walk home as much as possible. I started on 34th street, walked up 6th ave to the park and over to Lex. While walking up 6th I passed one of the boy's doormen. We made eye contact and said hi to each other. It was kind of strange and funny all at the same time. I wondered if he knew that the boy and I aren't dating anymore. Maybe he didn't even know where he recognized me from, but I feel like doormen in NYC are like middle and high school teachers - they know everyone's business without letting on that they know. Of course I then started imagining how ironic it would be if for some reason I started dating the doorman. (Hey, he's attractive. I just wish I learned his name.)

Anyways, sitting on the couch watching tv is good and all, but sitting on the couch watching tv with someone else is better. Hence, Match.

Sledding in Central Park

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Sometimes you have one of those weeks

After almost 6 months, things with FD3 have come to an end. In January, when he said we were in different places in the relationship I thought he meant I was more invested and he was just "behind." It turns out that is not what he meant. Instead, he was done and I wasn't ready to let go. The worst part is that the few weeks after that were some of the best. I suppose I still knew the end was coming.

Logically, I'm fine. Emotionally, I'm still a bit of a mess. There's pretty much no way to take it except personally when someone tells you they don't see a future in something. Why not? What's wrong with me? What did I do? Yeah, I know it's not my fault. Doesn't help. Like I said, logically I'm fine. I know it's that we're not right together. That we can still be friends. That there are other guys. That I won't be alone forever. That I deserve better. Still sucks.

We awkwardly saw each other once so far after the break up. He brought the stuff I left at his place to my office. Not the most ideal place for trading stuff. It was made even worse by the fact that I was having one of the most stressful weeks of work ever and that my dog was put to sleep the day before. That's right, work was hell, my boyfriend and I broke up, and my childhood dog died all within the same week. And then I got sick. I think it was my bodies way of letting go for just a bit - stop thinking and stop pushing or you'll get really sick.

I'll be ok soon. I just need some time to grieve a bit and feel sorry for myself. I have friends to lean on, and I've definitely been leaning. I just feel like I've lost one the ones I want to lean on.

Winter Storm of 2009

It's 12:30 AM on Sunday morning. I found out about an hour and a half ago my flight for tomorrow was cancelled. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I've been on hold pretty much ever since. All the numbers on Delta's website were worthless: each produced that weird noise when the line is dead. Finally I get through, wait on hold for 20 minutes, talk to someone about getting on a new flight, and I've been on hold ever since waiting for it to be confirmed.

My super is outside shoveling the sidewalk, but it's still snowing. Hard. Without any sign of stopping. They say it's supposed to stop early in the morning, which is why I'm extra annoyed that my flight was already cancelled. That, and the only way I found out was by looking online. No phone call - can you imagine the customer service that would entail? God forbid they make human contact and call me to say my flight was cancelled. E-mail? Nope. Text? Nope. Go online and magically see that it's cancelled? Yup.

Thanks, Delta. I appreciate it.

I'm now confirmed on a flight for Thursday, December 24 out of JFK with not one, but two connections. Oh you originally paid extra for a direct flight? Sorry.

Ugh. I'm tired.

Passing Time

It's funny how time passes. For the most part, my days run into weeks which run into months and then into years. There are certain moments, however, I can pinpoint to a specific year and season. When I'm lucky I can narrow it to a specific day.

Last August, I moved to NYC (that's not news, I know) but I still remember thinking I was out of my mind when I was riding into the city for the first time with all of my stuff with me. Every time I took a cab home after that I remembered that moment and chuckled to myself. At some point in the last few months, I stopped thinking about that first ride into the city when I was in a cab. I noticed it last week, and, honestly, I was a little sad. I'm sure it's a good thing, that it means I'm more settled here, but I don't know when I stopped thinking about it. It's just a strange realization.

In other measures of time, FD3 and I have been dating for almost two months. Obviously I'm not about to break any world records in terms of relationship length or anything, but it's fun having a new way to mark time. I promise I'm not one of those people who celebrates minor "anniversaries." I just happen to remember because we first went out in the middle of the month. Anyways, things are good. I'm having fun with him. Fortunately, I don't call him FD3 to his face, but there are no new First Dates to talk about. FD3 and I have other firsts that we're trying out: first time meeting friends, first time being photographed together (for the NY Times! ), first time making dinner together. Well, I made dinner, but that was the first time in a long time that I made dinner for someone.

Last year at this time I was prepping to help coordinate 3000 interviews across the country. This year, my team is coordinating 5400 interviews. That's right; 1400 more interviews this time around. It's a busy season.

They say that as you get older, time passes more quickly. I just hope I remember that it only feels that way and that I still have time to do everything I want.

Adventures in Dating

So, at the encouragement of some friends, I decided to jump into the online dating world. Most people's lives are conducted online a majority of the time these days, so why not try dating?

The good thing about online dating is that it shows you, sure enough, there a lot of fish in the sea. When you live in New York, there are more options than say in Oxford, Mississippi so I think my dating experiment was probably a smart idea to try here. Anyways, within my first week online I set up my first date. By the end of a few days, I had 3 first dates lined up within a week of each other. There are a couple of strategies used to set up dates.

1. Strategy 1 - Quick banter back and forth and immediately set up a date because, really, how well can you get to know someone via e-mails back and forth? Pros: you get a date lined up quickly. Cons: perhaps the date is lined up a little too quickly with someone you probably wouldn't really be interested in. Alas, perhaps going out with someone I wouldn't normally be interested in is a good thing.
2. Strategy 2 - Slowly get to know someone via e-mails, then texts, then a date. (By slowly I mean over the course of a few days, not months.) Pros: you have a good sense of the person you will meet before you meet them. Cons: the process can drag out and you lose interest or become more interested in a different process in the meantime.

Anyways, I tried both strategies and have had a variety of dates.

First Date #1 - HORRENDOUS! So when FD1 called to set up a date we talked on the phone for about 10 minutes, and I should have noticed the flags then but I decided to ignore them. You see, I have this problem that I'm trying to overcome: whenever someone shows romantic interest in me I immediately find something wrong with him. I should have listened to my instincts on this one. So, FD1 and I decide to meet on a street corner with the intent of going to a bar for drinks. Street corner: Spring and 6th. Bar: We didn't have a plan. I got to the corner first and sat in the square until he showed up. I should have known right away it was a mistake. He had on dad jeans and white sneakers (again, the dad kind). Trying not to be my judgmental self I overlooked it. Meanwhile, he reenacted how he jammed his finger during jiu-jitsu class. (By the way, in his jiu-jitsu class they learn how to really hurt people, but they get to a point and then stop knowing they could really hurt the other person but won't. Of course you're not really going to hurt someone in class. Duh. That would just be mean.)

We decided to go get a drink, and he leads us in the direction of a bar. When I say lead, I mean he was a good 2 feet ahead of me when we were walking. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to keep up with how quickly he walked. And, he doesn't share the sidewalk. Now I admit, I have weird issues when it comes to walking with people. I really don't like walking through crowds, and I really don't like feeling crowded when it's just me and one other person. FD1 would not move over enough to share the sidewalk so that I was walking around trees and trashcans. At one point I slowed down my pace as well to see what would happen. He slowed for a second and then continued.

We get to a bar (he's very particular about the kind of bar) sit down and have a drink. I lead the conversation with questions that are never returned. (Not good to have a one sided conversation on a date.) As I wait for him to perhaps ask me something, I take a sip of my drink. As a result, I finish my beer more quickly than he does. As I neared the bottom, the bartender asked me if I wanted another. I told him I was ok at the moment. Then, my date chugs the remainder of his beer (about half) and announces, "I'm waiting for you now." Oh, ok. Uh, sure. Let's get another drink. After we get our second beer, he goes to the bathroom. When he returns he says, "I can tell you're having a good time." Oh yeah, how can you tell that? "You just look happy. And you would have left after the first beer if you weren't."

I toss this date to it being my first "blind" date and being inexperienced in how to handle the blind date experience. I should have left after the first beer. Really, I probably shouldn't have set up the date at all, but then I wouldn't have a story. Over the course of the night I learn he does everything with his parents. EVERYTHING. He's 30, has no friends because he "values quality over quantity." Buddy, we all value quality over quantity. Additionally, he lives at home. Why? Because he would miss his mom's cooking if he left.

Like I said, HORRENDOUS.

First Date #2 - First Date #2 was pretty good. We e-mailed back and forth a bit before heading into texting. We decided to meet at a wine bar on the Upper West Side. Sadly, when we got to the bar, it was closed for a private party. Instead we went to a bar around the corner and had a beer. Overall, the date went really well. We had a good conversation. Never any dead moments. He'd just gotten back from vacation in SC. (His family rented a house in Folly.) The date wasn't anything big to write home about, but enjoyable. Definitely a better first date than FD1.

First Date #3 - FD3 was a really good date. I had a lot of fun. Coincidentally, the first text (after e-mails) I got from FD3 was 30 minutes before I met up with FD2. He asked if I played pool. I do happen to play pool. I just play pool like someone who does it every few months are really doesn't know how to play. We decided to make a pool date for the following Saturday. FD3 actually knows how to play pool. In fact, he could watch how I was lining up a shot and tell me just how to position the pool stick to make the shot. Needless to say, I was impressed. FD3 was also the only one I kissed. (Ok, he may have gotten a few kisses. Like I said, it was a good date.) He's also the only one I've seen a second time.

At the moment I do not have any more first dates lined up. This might be a bad strategy, but I'm not good at dating multiple people at once. I'm curious to see what happens with FD3. While I may be shooting myself in the foot with this strategy, if FD3 turns out to not be for me I know there are other fish in the sea. And if the fish who are biting now aren't still there if things don't work out with FD3, then they aren't for me.

We shall see what happens. (By the way, a very interesting fact: all 3 dates have the same first initial, and FD1 and FD2 have the same name. Kind of weird, right?)

Cooling Off in the City

Summer usually means trying to find ways to cool off. I can't say it's been a hot summer in NYC, but that doesn't mean I've avoided finding ways to cool off.

By far, my new favorite treat is something very simple: Mister Softee dip cones. The pure simpleness of it amazes me. There are two reasons I love this treat.

1. Mister is spelled out. I don't know why, but it makes my ice cream that much better.
2. It's soft serve ice cream out of the back of a truck. What can be better than especially once dipped in chocolate?

We southern kids know what ice cream trucks are, don't worry. There weren't many that came through my neighborhood, I'll admit, but I knew what they were. A regular ice cream truck, however, cannot compete with an ice cream truck. It might play music, but all it has is ice cream on a stick or popsicles. Delicious, yes. Softserve ice cream delicousness? Not quite there. There's many combinations to made with Mister Softee, but I'm sticking to the dip cone. Or maybe chocolate sprinkles. Hmmmmm.

The second treat: Pinkberry. It's not ice cream. It's not frozen yogurt. It's not even good. It's literally frozen yogurt, and I'm addicted. The first time I went to Pinkberry I truly thought it was gross. I had no idea what to expect. I now crave it on a regular basis. The fancy flavors I can do without. All I need is a small original with blackberries and raspberries. So good.

Finally, I'm holding out for a snowball stand in New York. Maybe I'll open one in Astoria. The Greeks can appreciate a snowball, right? And we really need to ban the snowcone stand in the Central Park Zoo. It's just gross.

The Lost Tribes of New York City from Carolyn London on Vimeo.

Knights vs. Rosie the Riveter

At some point on every Sunday I peruse the New York Times wedding section (online, of course). Each week a new couple is featured. They're always glamorous in some sort of way--not your average, everyday kind of couple. I'm not sure when I started reading the wedding announcements, but I continue because I'm a hopeless romantic. I may not seem like the hopeless romantic type, but deep down I am.

Ugh. Society send conflicting messages about what we, American women, should want. One message is that a knight in shining armor will come and save us from singledom. We, me and my knight in shining armor, will happily ever after. The second message is that we, women, do not need anyone to save us. That we are independent and happy without a romantic someone in our lives; we don't need Jerry Maguire's you complete me thoughts. There are definitely women that fall into one category are the other, but I fall somewhere in the middle which is completely frustrating. I don't think a man will save me from myself, but I do want one to woo me. Someone who won't complete me per se, but rather compliment me.

Bah. Sometimes it is hard to continue believing that I will find the right someone, the person I want. Alas, I try. Last week I had a dream that I got engaged. I don't think I ever saw my fiance's face, and if I did I don't know him. (I do remember that the ring was not my taste--very superficial of me, I know.) Last night I dreamt that I was getting married to someone I didn't know (both in real life and in my dream). Like the engagement dream, the man was not my focus. (This time it was the dress.) Obviously I'm not ready to be married. Nor do I have plans to be married in the near future. I'm just missing something right now, and whether it seems good or bad I think it's more of a someone than a something.

Bleh. I hate feeling out of control, but I want to be able to let go. As if that makes any sense.